Inspiration Interpretation

Coupons are my crack. I get all sweaty-handed, nervous, pit of stomach lurching like tossing up lunch handing them over, waiting... nervous like a criminal, waiting, like an addict, jonesing- hoping the register won't beep. Won't reject my offer, my credit, my coupon money in my pocket Hoping it won't call attention to me the other shoppers behind me Tsk, tsking... looking over my shoulder, TSK TSK. wondering GOD, HOW MANY DOES SHE HAVE? HOW LONG WILL I HAVE TO WAIT?! I flash an apologetic smile, an I'm sorry in disguise... but I won't back down... I need my fix, you see Like I said, money in my pocket- it's all money, and it's good to me And I am revived, resuscitated, happiness renewed When I see What I get Double, no TRIPLE, sometimes MORE worth my money. I get $105 worth of groceries for a mere $54. I get $27 worth of items ...

Sprout, You are growing up so fast. I feel like lately, I have nothing else to write to think upon to wonder about but you and your exponential growth. It seems like every moment is so fleeting, so gone so fast, so beyond my grasp when we were RIGHT THERE just one minute ago. One second ago, you were just a thought... I remember, sprout holding my belly when times were tough, and we didn't know How we would make this work... We just knew we would. Because you were coming, and it was all up to us. The fight, the struggle, it meant more since you would be here Your Mommy- crying, I remember, couldn't find a job, pounding my head wondering why all of a sudden a growing bump meant I wasn't a good enough secretary I would be out for so long, so soon, nobody wanted it. My degree may as well have been a crumb, I offered it out but it was not taken- Not accepted. I felt rotted, wronged, failed and failing... I wanted to do what I needed to for you- but nobody would give me a chance...

Something makes me falter. Hear my own heart beat. Thump, thump. Thumpthump. Th-thump. My brain has done a skid-slide-stop at this point, to question myself- What if it was me? What then? This is what I have become, and I can say I love it- yes... Though I might be a little bit boring- Not partying, not wearing belly baring, nose flaring, sparkles glaring aloud- just me instead, but me and proud.... My hands find your cheeks, your crumbs, your smile... And I smile back, my teeth not quite perfect white, just light- from the coffee I drink, the things that I think, the nights with late snacks and scratches on backs... What is it that creates who we will become? If I am now mostly a Mum and wife... where exactly was it that I left behind the other life? Have I evolved or just changed, am I still the same breath? Am I still the same laughter, same tears, and same jest? Will I live the same moments? Will I die the same death? Would I have been me if I hadn't had you? If I hadn't me...