Keeping The Faith- 4/30/2008

Inspired by this quote:

“Hope begins in the dark; the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.” -Anne Lamott, Author

Keeping The Faith
By Jaden Brulotte
4-30-08

What gives you the strength to keep walking?
It’s been days, wandering this darkness
Waiting to see a shine through, a pinprick of hope
testing fate’s waters
wondering when karma kicks in…
Faith is a hard thing to grasp.

Why do you keep on keeping on, as they say
when your time fades away
and you still can’t see through the mire
watching for the thinnest wire, the tiniest sliver of sunshine-
judging your odds,
you punch through the blackness
creeping along, working your way
but no, not today…
When will your sunrise come?
Your faith is a hard thing to grasp.

I believe, but I wonder
Is the “right” thing ever wrong?
I have been trying so long,
trusting my instincts
Grazing through life, picking up trinkets here and pieces there
Waiting for the moment, the ah-ha unveiling of my destiny
Not-so-patiently pacing this claustrophobic maze
I’ve been going for days
And my hope is a hard thing to grasp.

Comments

Thoughts on Friends....

Sometimes I feel that these *fake* friends I find on the internet understand me more than many who have known me for years. I suppose this might be because you can choose to connect with who you like on the net. It might also be because I have grown and am now a different person than I was when I made friends with the others. It's sad, though, when old friendships die. There are a few in particular I keep hoping will be rekindled, like those coals from last night's bonfire that spark again in the morning when you toss a log on... but that doesn't mean I'm willing to do all the work. Friendships aren't meant to be one-sided. People have been fake. Fake friends have been real. I've connected with those I never thought I might. Life is a true mystery, a whirlwind roller coaster and I am along for the ride. So much for a poem a day. Here's to random thoughts, renewal, love and connection- wherever we find it.

Patience and Perseverance

I feel like there's an anchor crushing my chest. It's so hard to watch you going through this, to sit by your side and see you suffering, and know that there's nothing I can do to help ease this pain. I can do what I am doing, and nothing more. Nothing more significant. I can listen. I can plan. I can help, do more around the house. I can try to be patient. But some days, like today, it gets hard. This illness isn't just affecting you... It's all of us. I pray that once this is over, it's over for good. We can move on, be the happy little family that we are without worry that we might lose you sooner than expected... Some days, like today, I feel crushed by the weight of this responsibility. I have to hear your complaints knowing that we can't yet make a move. I have to be strong, when what I would really like to do is go to the bathroom, sit on the floor, curl in a ball and sob. I have to hear it without getting angry, even though it's trying on me to h

Sprout

Sprout, You are growing up so fast. I feel like lately, I have nothing else to write to think upon to wonder about but you and your exponential growth. It seems like every moment is so fleeting, so gone so fast, so beyond my grasp when we were RIGHT THERE just one minute ago. One second ago, you were just a thought... I remember, sprout holding my belly when times were tough, and we didn't know How we would make this work... We just knew we would. Because you were coming, and it was all up to us. The fight, the struggle, it meant more since you would be here Your Mommy- crying, I remember, couldn't find a job, pounding my head wondering why all of a sudden a growing bump meant I wasn't a good enough secretary I would be out for so long, so soon, nobody wanted it. My degree may as well have been a crumb, I offered it out but it was not taken- Not accepted. I felt rotted, wronged, failed and failing... I wanted to do what I needed to for you- but nobody would give me a chance

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